Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
