Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize