apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
