i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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