i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
