my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
