I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
