everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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