I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
