that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
