Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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