p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
