My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
