is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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