HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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