Heybabeimwearingurpanties
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
