Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
