So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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