so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
