she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
