You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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