Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
