drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
