After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
