my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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