I am puke
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
