I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
