from now on my penis is your penis
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
