Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
