My brain says no but my pants say off.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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