I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
