the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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