try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
