so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
