Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
