We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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