If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
