I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
