I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
