absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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