I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish I only lived at night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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