I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
