They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
