Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
