i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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