Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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