Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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