I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
