Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
