Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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